To the sound of one thigh clapping in the wind

Thin girls have no idea the prep we go through to wear a bathing suit. Forget losing the weight. When I finally get up the nerve to wear the awful thing, it takes me an hour to simply "de-hair". I think I used half a bottle of Nair on my legs. Skinny girls can get away with dollop the size of a dime. (Whereas I used a glob the size of a roll of quarters just on my right thigh.)

Then it comes time to pack the beach bag. Little people can pack a cute little purse filled with shorts, tank tops, flip flops, etc. I have to pack a laundry basket sized bag for my skirt and tank top. A skirt? Yes. Which brings me to my topic of the day...

Thigh chaffing.
Every big girl gets it - but nobody talks about it. I mean, what are you going to say? "Hey Natilee, how's your rash?" No. It is just an unspoken bond we women share. I have often had thin girls ask me why I wear nylons in the middle of summer when I wear skirts. I cringe and say that it is because they are control-top and keep me from jiggling. Although that is true, my main reason is to prevent "the chafe".
With nylons, however, comes another dilemma. The rubbing sound. You know it. The "swish, swish" as you walk. The only way I have found to cover this noise it to:
a. talk
b. wear loud shoes
c. talk
d. wait for other noise to happen and then make a run for it
The only other anti-chafe options I have adopted are
a. wearing a girdle (Spanx are AMAZING!)
b. Vaseline.
- this stuff is cheap and great. For post-chafe, simply rub on the red, swollen, rash and go on your way. For preventative measures - do the same - just be careful not to put too much to avoid ruining your skirt.

What do you do to avoid the summer thigh/bathing suit issues?