An Open Letter to Lane Bryant

Dear Lane Bryant Design Team,

Last weekend I went to Lane Bryant in search for some khakis and completer pieces and guess what I found? The perfect outfits to become a celebrity on the People of Walmart website. I am not sure who you are, but it needs to stop. Just stop. You are not doing us any favors by making skinny pants with little ankle zippers. Some ladies might not know how to dress their bodies to flatter so they are dependent on you to assemble a trendy, slimming wardrobe. Well, guess what, Lane Bryant? You can't fool me.

Stuffed Sausage:

• I know that even though skinny pants are "in" this season, I won't be putting them on my body. I don't want to look like an overstuffed sausage. 
• I also know that ankle pants make plus-sized beauties look short and stubby. An athletically built 5'2" girl can pull off ankle pants, but you know we can't. It is almost humorous how poorly you are encouraging us to dress. 

Blubby:

• I understand that people like to dress to  be comfortable. However, that doesn't mean that all plus-sized girls like to wear stretchy fabrics all the time. Do you realize that T-shirts get all stuck up in one's fat rolls and then makes it look like we just got out of bed? Is that the look that you are going for? Give us a little structure and respect. 
• Our arms might be chubbier than some, but that doesn't mean that we want our sleeves to start at our elbows. You have the expertise to create tops that don't scream "I NEED TO WEAR PLUS SIZE. CHECK OUT THE ELASTIC ON MY SHIRT!" Please do so. 
• Horizontal stripes. Really? 

In closing, I simply beg of you to consider your audience before designing clothes for us. We trust you to make us look good and lately you have been letting us down.

Sincerely,
Natalie

Short shorts?

I have decided chunky girls should live in Alaska. Summers are just more stress than it is worth. Think about it: sweaty dressing rooms, swimsuits, and dare I say the problem I am currently facing...shorts.

Not all big and beautiful girls struggle with the shorts topic. Some have sculpted legs and thighs that don't rub so bad that they set off a four alarm fire. For me, however, I have difficulty finding shorts that are long enough to hide the "top of the knee pudge" but that fit well enough in the rump and thighs to they don't ride up and reveal the knee-rolls I've concealed all winter.

After an extensive review of shorts so far this summer, I have decided three things:
1. We shouldn't wear plaid. Ever. Unless we want to look bigger. Trust me, ladies, I've tried it all.
2. Lane Bryant has the best short selection this summer. They are thick enough (that is a topic for my next post), structured, and come in a variety of lengths.
3. Once again, a friendly reminder to all of us: just because they make it in our size, doesn't mean we should wear it.

So ladies, unless you choose to move to Alaska (where sweaters, jeans, and layers are in style year round), good luck in your shorts hunt...and get ready for a fun, blog-filled summer!